Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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