So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
