here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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