Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dignity is for republicans.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
