She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
