i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
