Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
