I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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