I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
