She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
