Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
