can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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