he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize