Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
