Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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