OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
