Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
