Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
