Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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