saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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