Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize