I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
