Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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