my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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