he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
