You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
