Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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