She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
