it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
