sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
