oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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