I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk is not a location!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
