i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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