sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
