Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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