Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
