You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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