Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
