I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
