buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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