someone threw a dead crab at me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
