Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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