I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
