I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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