Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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