It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
