I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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