This house was built for laser tag.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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