I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
