watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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