5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
