I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
