Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
