My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
