And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
