Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize