What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
