how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you never un-have a 4some
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
