dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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