so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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