did you get engaged???
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
