sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
