They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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