That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
