So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let's paint friendship bongs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
