if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
