i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
