you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
