if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
