dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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