This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
