Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
