a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
