Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
