wat bout pragnant strippers??
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
