Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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