I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
