I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would fuck him just for his dog
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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