he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
