It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
